You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
