Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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