i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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