i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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