Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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