he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
