Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where are my eyebrows?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
