i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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