if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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