Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
NoShamevember. You game?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
