It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
