rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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