if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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