He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
