a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
