i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
