Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
