Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
