I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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