Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
