Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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