I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
