I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
