Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
