i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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