I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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