Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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