can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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