I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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