Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
