last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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