What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
