ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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