she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
