Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
