oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
