please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
