ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
