Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
