y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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