He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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