We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
