Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
