I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
