I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
