Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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