when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
