If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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