i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
