im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
